Product recall

Conservative Restoratives Ltd has issued a product recall for the following product:

Strong & Stable Bond

The resin, though effective in initial testing and associated with the widely marketed 'Bonding means bonding' campaign, has been found to fail even under low level stresses encountered in the oral cavity. The product is therefore unsuitable for use on patients and could feasibly cause severe damage, particularly to children and vulnerable adults.

A new adhesive, DUP Prop Up, is currently under development. However, progress on the new product is slow despite significant investment of £1 billion.

If you have purchased any materials from the Strong & Stable range since the launch in April 2017, please return to Conservative Restoratives Ltd by contacting Customer Services Manager Terry May at deadwomanwalking@CRLtd.com. A full refund will be issued (warning: a protracted negotiation period may be necessary before any refund is agreed).

Profit warning

LeftLab Loupes plc, well-known makers of both 'Union Loupes', claimed to make life easier for all dentists' eyes, and the trend-setting 'Momentum Loupes', popular with younger dentists, has issued a profit-warning ahead of its shareholder meeting in early 2018. It seems as if their policy of loupes 'for the many and not the few' and the nationalisation of loupe wearing for all people, not just dentists, is not producing the expected revenue.

Critics of LeftLab Loupes plc accounting policies indicate that the problem with the company is the lack of mathematical ability amongst its directors. They say the sums just don't add up. Jerry Corbyn, the popular CEO of LeftLab, disagrees and is asking shareholders to just hold tough for another 20 years, when it is reported that robotic flying pigs currently undergoing development in Japan may be entering the mass production phase. These pigs will most certainly require ocular assistance as flying requires sharp eyesight and the usual solution of eating carrots has shown to be completely ineffective for robots. Supplying loupes to the Japanese pig manufacturers is where Corbyn feels LeftLab will come into their own. However, only time will tell if LeftLab Loupes shareholders are willing to go the distance with him.

Important note to readers

This content has been created for the entertainment of readers in the spirit of seasonal good humour and, on the whole, possesses not an ounce of truth. All persons, products, URLs and email addresses mentioned have been invented by the BDJ Editorial Team.